i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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