Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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