I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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