ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
