Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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