you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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