I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
