Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Randomize
