u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
