You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
