Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
