Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Less talking, more tequila
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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