How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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