I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
