Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
