bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
