I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
