I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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