who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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