He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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