I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
