Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
