Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
