FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
