I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
