he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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