we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
