she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
