Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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