i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You're so nebulous sometimes
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
