good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
