Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
