um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
