I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
