One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
