there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
