Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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