"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
