Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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