Me. At least after what I've been through.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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