When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
