he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
