90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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