i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
