We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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