I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
