People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
