Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize