it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
