do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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