Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
