The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
