$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
