I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize