Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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