I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
