He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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