ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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