at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
