whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
