dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
