I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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