Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
