FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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