I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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