Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
