I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
